Little Elm

4 months old

little elm rolling on her side to get her bear stuart ~ 4 months 

dear elm,

i write this as you are taking a nap.  you nap regularly now and i'm so impressed with the way you can be put down in the crib awake and by the time the mobile stops you are in a deep sleep.  amazing! you have become less of a baby and more of a little girl over the past month.  you are so long that your feet hit the sides of the glider when i try to rock you.  we go to the doctor's next week so we will soon know exactly how much you weight and how long you are.  i'm guessing around 14 lbs. 

you are able to hold your head up now, on your tummy and when we are holding you.  you love standing strong on your legs and taking in the world around you. 

throughout the last month you started sleeping as long as 8 hours and then you send mummy in a panic when you only sleep 4 hours.  i'm trying to understand your sleep habits and what you need. i've called in helpers.  the nights you don't sleep i am raw with emotion by the morning.  the nights you sleep in long stretches, i feel invincible.  your poor daddy never knows which of the two he is going to encounter by morning but somehow he always finds a way to make it better.

as the cold and snow have hit, it has been a bit harder being so isolated from the rest of the world.  we do get out, whether it is to do some errands or have a play date with E or your new first girlfriend sweet I, but some days feel a bit long and lonely.  i bundle you up and take you for walks when the weather permits and you usually drift off to sleep as the cold surrounds your cheeks and you breath in the crisp air. 

you make what the book says are 'wet razzing noises' with your tongue and have the cutest little laughs.  not quite giggles yet but lovely little laughs.  just yesterday, on your 4 month birthday you rolled from your back to your side to reach a duck book.  you seem to like the stereo mc's because you looked like you were dancing in your bumbo seat when i cranked up the song, get yourself connected.

this past month has been the hardest so far, which is strange because most people say that it is the first three months that are hard.  i try my best to entertain you and stimulate you throughout the day but sometimes we have gone through the whole circuit and it is only 2 pm.  the naps you take are helping us break up our day and have a reset button each time you get back up.  you have been a very fussy eater, pushing the bottle out of your mouth with your tongue half way through most bottles.  i think it is a phase and that you are almost over it.  you don't seem to love baths as much anymore either.  once and a while it is still the highlight of your day.

we had to leave you for a weekend during the last month and you stayed with grandma and grandpa.  you were such a good girl for them.  it was ridiculously hard to call and hear your little voice but not be able to hold you in my arms.  daddy and i both talked to you on the phone and grandpa says you were smiling when you heard our voices. 

little elm, after 4 months i still can't believe that i get to call you my own.  that i am a mother and jay is a dad.  that you are going to become a teenager and an adult and possibly a grandmother.  i want to try to relax into this role (as your mum) and be a bit more creative with it. 

love you,

mummy

when darkness falls

little elm, almost 4 months, holding her head up (i'm so proud!)

i am feeling tired tonight.  so very tired.  but as i type this is hear a little baby breathing through the monitor and i feel a little lighter.  i look at pictures that i have taken from the last few days (like the one above) and i smile.  my elm is such a good baby but almost four months of sleep deprivation is catching up to me and i'm feeling a little fragile.  as i'm writing this i just had the most brilliant idea...i'm going to bed.  sweet dreams.

free

 french quarter, shanghai

today i would like to jump on my bicycle, feet firmly pushing against the pedals.  pushing me toward something.  something wonderful. 

the wind in my hair.  feeling the warm sun on my back.  the streets empty.  no cars or people to distract me.  moving forward.

my mind blank i would be left with nothing but the air to breath in and the shadows glimmering off my face. 

free.

thank you

  i just wanted to thank jody for giving it to me straight years ago about how hard it is being a mom even though it is so rewarding.  if i didn't know this ahead of time i may not have made it through last night.  what's a bedtime routine for, if not to be broken? maybe it is early teething, maybe gas but something was definitely off last night.  so thanks again jodes for not sugar coating things and for all your help and support! xo

New moms can now get back in shape in 4 minutes a day according to this
Globe article. I just bought the 30 day shred, which is just 20 minutes of intense craziness, and am having troubles fitting it in, but 4 minutes there will be no excuse now, damn!

check it out here:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/moms-drop-pounds-with-a-four-minute-workout/article1419091/

3 months old

dear elm,

i write this to you a bit later than usual.  you turned 3 months old on christmas day and with all the hustle and bustle of the holidays i thought i would wait until now to write to you. 

what a month it has been! you have developed so much in the last month it is unreal. 

you had your first immunizations, which was just about the hardest thing to watch.  i tried to distract you by bringing stuart, your bear, but you still screamed.  i tried to sooth you by offering you milk and comfort in one arm while frantically trying to bite off the plastic child safe protector off of the tempra bottle with my mouth and the other arm.  the receptionist had to kick us out of the room and set us up in the lobby because i was taking too long.  she at least helped me with the tempra first.  it was quite the experience. 

you really see me now and track my movements and take comfort it seems when i am within your view.  you love when daddy comes home and greet him with one of your to die for smiles where you lift your shoulders up and bat your eyelashes.  we already know we are in trouble! you have realized that you have a voice and that it can become very loud and that excites you.  it excites us as well because we love to hear all that comes out of your mouth.  we usually mimic everything you say and you seem to like that.  we exclaim 'baby' whenever we walk into a room that you are in even if we had just walked out of it and re-entered.  your daddy and i seem to say it exactly the same way. 

you are quite the sleeper and seem to love your bed time routine.  as soon as you get out of your bath you know that it is time for your eyes to get heavy as we feed you and read to you.  your sleep sheep plays the sounds of whales in the ocean as you drift into sleepy bliss.  it is usually 6 hours later that you wake up, which is fantastic.  we feed you as you are half asleep and change you and then you fall back to sleep for 3 or 4 hours. 

you were spoiled at christmas by all.  it was such fun waking you up and bringing you down to see what santa brought you.  you made the holidays feel so much more alive for us.  your daddy stole my heart when i opened up a dress he bought for you.  it is green and pink and very girly.  nothing i would have ever guessed your daddy would have picked out for you.  he calls you a piece of art and we often just gaze upon you.   you make the tiniest of laughs and i can't wait for you to giggle.  santa brought you a doll that giggles so i hope you like the sound she makes and copy her.  it was fun to show you off to both sides of the family and your young cousins were excited to hold you and see you smile.   everyone thinks you are such a good baby and that all you do is sleep and smile.  we have to convince people that you cry, and believe me, you do.

we have many play dates with your buddy, E.  you both slept through the first play date but since then have seemed to somewhat notice one another and have touched hands.  E's mom erin and i often exchange e-mails on behalf of you both and get a lot of laughs out of it.  we'll have to let you read them when you're a teenager.  hopefully as you both get older you will be able to play more when we are all together.  for now it is fun for the mommies to get out of the house. 

you started the month at your doctor's appointment at 11lbs, 4 ozs and you are now over 13 lbs.  We just put away your 0-3 month clothes and you are swimming in your 3-6 month clothes.  the doctor says you are in the 95 percentile for height (23.5 inches) so that explains why a lot of your sleepers fit everywhere but aren't always long enough.  maybe you'll play basketball. 

your daddy and i just can't imagine our lives without you and you definitely made our 2009.  from finding out we were pregnant with you, to feeling your first kick, to finding out you were a girl, delivering you and spending the last three months with you, our lives are richer for it. 

love you elm,

xo

mummy