Little Elm

Dear Peekay ~ 5 months

Dear Peekay,

As I write this, you are sleeping swaddled in the swing.  Yes, you read correctly, you are still being swaddled as otherwise you just scratch yourself into a tizzy (as mama llama would say) and yes, you still have some of your naps in the swing to extend your tiny 30 to 40 minute naps or so that you don't wake up your sister from her nap.   Of course, because of these things I have twinges of panic that a) I'm failing you and b) you will need to be swaddled until you are 18 and finally c) we will have to set up a swing in your dorm room.  Seriously though, I am going with what works and right now these are the things that work for you.  I'm not that concerned that you are still swaddled, as you are getting better and better in the sleep sac, possibly when your eczema isn't acting up and your sister was swaddled until around this time.  The swing though, is an interesting one.  In the last five months, I have learned a lot about myself.  When I was on my first maternity leave if I would have read one of my friends blogs and they said they were still using a swing at 5 months, I would have thought to myself....do they not understand sleep training.  Just have a good nap time routine, wrap up the baby and stick them in the crib, throw a mobile on and you are good for two to three hours of peaceful bliss.  Not so, this time around.  I have realized that I am no baby whisperer, and that instead I just had a good sleeper the first time around and that we all have to do what we can to survive and create a positive space for our little babes.  I am learning and will continue to learn how to be the best mom I can be for you and elm and at the end of the day have to feel good about that and defintely not judge anyone else for what they are making work for them.

As you seemed ready and in an effort to dream of a sleepful night, you just started eating solid food! We started at the beginning of the week with rice cereal and you seem to just want more than I can offer you yet.  You have already figured out how to open your mouth for more and grunt with excitement when you even see the high chair. You sister loves it when you eat and wants to help and defintely wants to taste your food. She is very intrigued by the whole thing.  By you in general actually.  She is always running to you if you cry out, shushing you, telling you "it will be okay, it will be okay".  It seems from your eyes, that you adore her and by your body that you can not wait to play with her. You body is almost always vibrating with excitement as you just want to go go go.  You have made a few crawling motions and have learned the basics of a wave.  You love playing in the exersaucer and love having anything soft against your cheek as you are falling asleep.

You get extremely excited when you see your dadda.  Instant smiles and grunts. I have this feeling that your are going to say his name before mine and I am trying to give equal practice time to both dadda and mamma. 

The other night I was rocking you to sleep at bedtime in the rocker in your room, singing Blackbird and In this life and you put your little hand on my wrist.  Strangely though, in that moment it did not feel little at all and I was transported to the future for just a mere second when you are a man and set your hand on my wrist to lead me to the dance floor on your wedding day.  I felt safe and loved.  I'm so excited to see how you develop into this man, this gentleman over my lifetime.  Even if you don't marry, I hope that on that one day in the future when you lead me toward a dance floor, I am transported back in time to how I felt that night, holding your little innocent body in my arms. Pure, full of love and all mine.

xoxo

Love mumma

Dear Peekay ~ 4 months

Dear Peekay,

What a ride! Your 4th month made me feel like I was a first time parent again.  Two trips to the ER, one misdiagnosis and one paediatrician's visit later, you had bronchialitis.  It was so sad to see you so sick.  To hear a little baby cough is such a sad sound. You were first diagnosed with croup and then later your paediatrician examined you and changed the prognosis.  Seeing you in the little chest x-ray tube for babies made me realize that you are always going to be a trooper.  As I hid protected behind the wall watching through the small window, I thought my heart would be breaking as you screamed.  Instead, stuck suspended in this clear tube, arms up to the moon, it seemed like this was meerly something you do every other Tuesday. Cool as a cucumber. You smiled at the doctors and nurses between coughs and although I was up with you a lot we didn't have to pull any all nighters or anything of that sort.

Your new hearty laugh made your recovery even more rewarding.  You are such a smiley baby even with all your colic, acid reflux issues.  You had several visits to your chiropractor this month to try to relieve some of your symptoms.  We became regulars.

You started venturing outside from a whole new perspective this month.  First, looking out from the baby bjorn and then sitting up in the stroller.  Your sister likes seeing you in both and is excited that your ability to sit up in the stroller now allows her to sit in the back seat where she can lay flat and peek at me as we walk, playfully grabbing my hands.

Everywhere we go, the first thing that people say when seeing you is, "That is great hair!".  Much to my chagrin, it is just starting to lay flatter, but typically in your first four months it would stand straight up, front, back, middle, everything.  It is definitely a crowd pleaser and starts a lot of conversations wherever we go!

You have certainly developed a little personality in the last month.  It is clearer when you want something and when you are upset if I take something away.  You love to hold onto a wash cloth in the tub and bite at it to calm your sore gums, but once it is time to take it away, it is mayhem.  You still love my hair and I think you have started to figure out how to give a kiss. 

I'm glad we survived the rollercoaster this month, little man and I hope I never have to hear you cough like that again.

xoxo

Love mumma

Dear Peekay ~ 3 months

Dear Peekay,

A milestone! Wow, we hit 3 months.  It feels like a flash and a lifetime all in one.  You have developed so much in the last month.  You are such a smiley baby and I love when I get you to laugh.  You are able to raise your head up from your belly now, which is no small effort.  Something else you do that just amazes me is that you can imitate us clapping.  Your sister and I were applauding your efforts for doing something cute and then you just brought your hands together.  We thought it was a fluke but you do it consistently now.  Your sister thinks it is super cool.  You continue to be obsessed with my hair.  It is probably your greatest delight.  The day I wore it curly and didn't straighten it you were beaming as there just seemed to be more of it for you to touch and pull. Your probably one of the only people who have loved my hair so much so for that I thank you.  ;-)

We are getting into a little rhythm.  I understand you more.  That is except from the hours of 3 to 7 am which sometimes are agonizingly long, as you just won't settle.  I think we may be closer to finding a way to making your nights more peaceful though.  Your hair has turned from a shade of chestnut to auburn and everyone comments on how your hair stands straight up.  I lovingly go with it and comb it as high as it can go after your bath.  You are really enjoying your baths these days, kicking your little feet in the water and smiling.  We found out just today that you weigh a whopping 15 lbs, 3 ozs.  You definitely like to eat!

I brought you to your sister's school today while dropping her off and she was so proud to show you off to her little friends.  They all took turns having the teachers hold them up to see you in your buggy.  Little elm wanted a turn too even though she sees you all the time.  I can't wait to see the relationship develop between the two of you.  Your dad and I just melt when we see little heartfelt moments between the two of you already.

On the days that just seem like too much, you can flash me a smile that makes me know that I can get through it and that sleep will come again. 

I love you, my little man.

Mumma

xoxo

dear peekay

a few days old

about 2 months old

Dear Peekay,

I have wanted to write sooner but being a mom of two children has been quite busy.  You are a little over two months old as I write this.  We found out you were a boy when I was just 13 weeks pregnant.  We were elated.  Your daddy was suprised at how excited he was  with the news of having a son.  The pregnancy was quite the roller coaster ride with scares here and there and then an ending that seemed to take forever as we anticipated you would be early like your sister.  I am learning quickly that it is of little use to compare you to our experience with your sister, as you are already so different.  It may even just be that you are a boy.  You move more, sleep less and are always hungry.  I have a feeling our grocery bill will be astronomical when you are a teenager.  During the pregnancy, you were very active and had hiccups almost everyday after I was about 32 weeks along.  You seemed to stretch out and I could tell that you were going to be very long upon arrival.  I was right.  You were born 7 lbs, 10 ozs and 21" long.  You had a beautiful head of chestnut hair that stood straight up and ocean blue eyes.  You seemed tanned, which was strange.  I still have a mini obsession with your hair and loved that the hospital gave you a man comb when we were in the hosptial.

Two days after your due date, I woke up and felt off.  I was violently ill with flu like symptoms until about 2:30 pm when I realized that this was not the flu but labour and the contractions began.  At 10:25 pm, after hours of pain so intense I didn't think that I would make it through, you were born.  Your daddy and our doula Tammy were so helpful in coaching me through the contractions and the pushing.  It was amazing to see how tiny you were and that made your sister, little elm, seem that much bigger.  

Because so much time has passed now, I feel I could write pages and pages of things about you, moments we have shared and about how your sister instantly adored you and is your other little mum.  I will write things throughout my future posts.  I mostly just wanted to get started here today.  To tell you that I feel an interesting and joyful pressure raising a little gentlemen (in a good way).  Pressure is not the right word, hopefully I'll be able to explain that more in the future as well.  That my heart swells at the sight of you.  That our family is complete now that you arrived.  That without the swing I may have already lost my mind...and lastly that as much as I am blissed out by how teeny tiny you are, I crave knowing you as a two year old, with words and a little personality.  I'm so excited to get to know you, my little man who will love me forever and always. 

xo

Love Mumma