Dear Elm,
As the soft, low light shines down and all around us the leaves show their first hints of transformation, I pull you close and breathe you in. Your soft hair that has grown and grown, your tiny little fingers caress my face, your eyes looking up at me, wondering what is next. I pull all of it toward my heart and wish time could stand still and we could live in this happy bubble forever. A life where there is no place to rush to, nobody else's rules or hours to live by. No real stress from the outside world pushing in on us. I am realizing more and more each day how grateful I am to have this pocket of time in the bubble and can see it becoming smaller as time goes on, the light of what is to come shining in on us. Blindingly leading us toward what the second chapter in our life with you will look like.
You have become a pointer. I love how it helps us communicate. I know now when you would like your water, or that you do see that squirrel racing up the tree. It is like an invitation into your beautiful mind. Your language skills continue to amaze me, with the ability it seems, to almost say any word you hear but instead you select which ones you would like to practice. Clock is your word today. You point at it when I ask you where it is and then you can say it almost perfectly. It is strange, almost eerie that of all the words there are, you are picking this one. As if to remind me that our time like this, where we can spend each moment together, is limited.
I want to thank you this month for all the treasures you have allowed me to welcome into my life for the last 11 months. Seeing all of our family members in their roles as father, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins has been such a delight. You have changed them all. Their love will lift you through your life. My relationships with my friends, evolving as we swap baby tips and tricks or with those without babies or babies on the way, a new way in which they see my life and relate to me. You have given me this amazing opportunity to embrace the community and friendship of Erin, Anna and Joanna among other amazing moms that I have met along the way. Erin, a much better version of me is what comes to mind. Someone who makes me want to try harder at everything, mommyhood and beyond. Anna, a woman who although is younger than me seems to have such confidence about her, especially as a mom. She has brought a lot of laughter to our group. Joanna, cool as a cucumber. Although, like all of us, she worries if what she is doing is good enough or the 'right' thing, she rolls with it, makes me question my rigidity about routines and such, as her approach is different but has gotten her the same result, a happy healthy baby. All these woman have had a hand in raising you too, among our family and close friends. It really does take a village. I can only hope we stay in touch as we all go off in different directions in the coming months.
At this time last year, Little Elm, we were so close to meeting one another and the anticipation was great. Now, almost a year later a different kind of anticipation is growing. One where we will exist in quite a different way. Where you will go off as an individual on a path of your own, away from the cape of my protection. In the meantime, I will take as many kisses and cuddles and morsels of you as I can that I will savour and will have to sustain me for the year to come.
I love you more than I ever thought I could.
xoxo
Love Mummy
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