4 months old

little elm rolling on her side to get her bear stuart ~ 4 months

dear elm,

i write this as you are taking a nap. you nap regularly now and i'm so impressed with the way you can be put down in the crib awake and by the time the mobile stops you are in a deep sleep. amazing! you have become less of a baby and more of a little girl over the past month. you are so long that your feet hit the sides of the glider when i try to rock you. we go to the doctor's next week so we will soon know exactly how much you weight and how long you are. i'm guessing around 14 lbs.

you are able to hold your head up now, on your tummy and when we are holding you. you love standing strong on your legs and taking in the world around you.

throughout the last month you started sleeping as long as 8 hours and then you send mummy in a panic when you only sleep 4 hours. i'm trying to understand your sleep habits and what you need. i've called in helpers. the nights you don't sleep i am raw with emotion by the morning. the nights you sleep in long stretches, i feel invincible. your poor daddy never knows which of the two he is going to encounter by morning but somehow he always finds a way to make it better.

as the cold and snow have hit, it has been a bit harder being so isolated from the rest of the world. we do get out, whether it is to do some errands or have a play date with E or your new first girlfriend sweet I, but some days feel a bit long and lonely. i bundle you up and take you for walks when the weather permits and you usually drift off to sleep as the cold surrounds your cheeks and you breath in the crisp air.

you make what the book says are 'wet razzing noises' with your tongue and have the cutest little laughs. not quite giggles yet but lovely little laughs. just yesterday, on your 4 month birthday you rolled from your back to your side to reach a duck book. you seem to like the stereo mc's because you looked like you were dancing in your bumbo seat when i cranked up the song, get yourself connected.

this past month has been the hardest so far, which is strange because most people say that it is the first three months that are hard. i try my best to entertain you and stimulate you throughout the day but sometimes we have gone through the whole circuit and it is only 2 pm. the naps you take are helping us break up our day and have a reset button each time you get back up. you have been a very fussy eater, pushing the bottle out of your mouth with your tongue half way through most bottles. i think it is a phase and that you are almost over it. you don't seem to love baths as much anymore either. once and a while it is still the highlight of your day.

we had to leave you for a weekend during the last month and you stayed with grandma and grandpa. you were such a good girl for them. it was ridiculously hard to call and hear your little voice but not be able to hold you in my arms. daddy and i both talked to you on the phone and grandpa says you were smiling when you heard our voices.

little elm, after 4 months i still can't believe that i get to call you my own. that i am a mother and jay is a dad. that you are going to become a teenager and an adult and possibly a grandmother. i want to try to relax into this role (as your mum) and be a bit more creative with it.

love you,

mummy